Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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