All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize