my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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