Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
