i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
