My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Come see our sink grown plant.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
