so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
