I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
