I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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