The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
FUCK WHALES
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
