okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
