For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
