grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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