when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
