We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We named our party play list daddy issues
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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