wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
