So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
