Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
