I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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