She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
