Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
