How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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