he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
