I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
