My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
