Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
