And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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