Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
