i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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