There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
