I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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