All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
