Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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