heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
