just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
