im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
