Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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