she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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