I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
