and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
