I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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