Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
