Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
