i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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