No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
