so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize