...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
