I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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