put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
