Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
