She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
