So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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