bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Holy sore nipples Batman
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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