you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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