I'm going to jail i love you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
