4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
