i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize