they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
