I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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