"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
