non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
