I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
