Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize