I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
