but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
